The Gamble of Hope and Disappointment

You know how people go around talking about the evils of gambling and how its a sin, etc. I agree that gambling is bad, but we're always gambling in day to day life anyways. Whenever we dare to hope for something, we're gambling our happiness. If we win, well we get happier, if we lose, we get disappointment. If we decide to love someone, we're also gambling happiness, how much we fall is how much we're betting. People say that hope is what keeps us alive, if there was no hope, we would all eventually die, but if we hope and get disappointed, isn't that what stops us from hoping? Fear of disappointment? So is hope driving itself away?

Grrr...

I'm so fucking depressed and angry right now, I don't even feel like putting in the effort to act all perfect and happy-go-lucky. Only my parents can make me feel degraded, stupid, and retarded in under five minutes.

Midsummer Resolution

I have decided that since there is only one month left of summer, I will turn my life around. I've already started writing in a diary again, cut down my internet time, and I will start biking again. I'm going to reorganize my room and turn my life around. Yes, I have one month and by the time I go back to school, I will no longer be the sloth and slob.

Temperature Drop

The temperature has finally dropped! Yay! Last night it was still pretty hot until about midnight, then there was some wind all of a sudden and I actually needed my blanket. I think I fell asleep within five minutes of the sudden cooling wind and I actually slept all the way until seven thirty and then I was half awake and half asleep and got out of bed at ten thirty. I think it was the most satisfying sleep I've had for two weeks.

I hope the weather stays like this...

Bumblebee

I know that bees are good insects (or is it bugs? I can't remember how to tell the difference), they spread pollen to help plants reproduce and they produce honey (well some types do), but last night, I was forced to kill one. Yes, I know I'm a murderer, I'm cruel, I'm coldblooded, etc. But I have a good excuse. Last night, at about eleven o'clock at night, I just finished watching one of my DVDs and was about to go to sleep when I heard a buzzing noise coming from near the window. I turned and saw a huge bee on the wall next to the window. It was about 3.5 cm long and I could clearly see the parts of its body with the head, the stripes, etc. And it was just buzzing like crazy, flying around my room, and finally deciding to attatch itself to my curtains. (my curtains have a flower print on them) My parents already went to sleep, I considered waking them up for help, but I knew that they would keep saying how cowardly I am and how I should be more independant and saying how would I expect to survive alone in the world if I can't even deal with an itsy bitsy bug (or insect). So thanks to my stupid pride, I decided to take on it myself. At first, I was going to wave it out my window, but it kept attatching itself to my curtains, so I had to keep waving my curtains, hoping that it will move away and fly out the window, but it decided to attatch itself to my pineapple decoration that I had in my room instead. It wouldn't move away no matter how hard I tried to move the pineapple decoration. So, desperate times calls for desperate measures, I took a plastic bag, quickly placed it over the pineapple decoration (along with the bee) and I tied a knot over the bag and left it by my apartment doorstep. When I woke up this morning, the bee and bag were gone but my pineapple decoration was by the door. I think my mom probably took care of it. Anyways, I'm not totally cold hearted, I do feel kind of bad. If it was a mosquito or a fly I wouldn't feel bad since all they do is spread disease and irritate all living things. But a bee is a good (insect/bug) so I hope that somewhere in heaven, this bee will forgive me because I wouldn't have been able to sleep at all if this bee was flying around my room and buzzing all night.

Heat and Insomnia

For the past few days, the temperature has been around thirty degrees celsius. For me, that is total hell. Cold is easy to face, just put on some extra clothes or get an extra blanket at night, but there is only so much you can do to face the heat. I mean, I'm melting even if I sleep naked and I can't even do that because I live with my parents and I don't think its a great idea if my dad suddenly decides to check on me while I'm sleeping just for the heck of it and I'm lying there with no clothes on. Too add to the misery, I sleep on a pillow top mattress, which feels great during the winter, but just not that great during the summer. Oh oops, I forgot to mention, I have no air conditioning in my apartment. I have two fans, but the wind is warm...so not much help. Actually one is right next to me right now and is currently scattering papers across my desk with the wind as I'm typing this. I haven't been able to sleep for more than four to five hours since the temperature started going up. I feel really drowsy in air conditioned rooms but once I get home, the heat keeps me awake. I go to bed at about 11:30, wide awake. I fall asleep around 2:00, wake up at about 7:00, but try to force myself back to sleep. So I get out of bed at about 8:30. This morning at church, I almost had to force my eyes open while the pastor was talking because the air conditioning just felt too nice.

Also I'm going to attempt something that I've never succeeded in: sleeping without a fan for the entire summer. I've resisted the temptation so far, if I last the whole summer, I will buy myself something nice in September. I'm not even sure why I'm doing this as its totally pointless and I'm just torturing myself, maybe I'll just say its to save electricity so I won't look and feel so stupid.

Pirates of the Caribbean 2

I finally watched the movie today, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. I waited for awhile and today, on impulse, I decided to go alone, something that I've never done before. Anyways, back to the movie...

I must say that Johnny Depp was brilliant as Jack Sparrow, he had the charm and the humour to bring out the character. Almost all the humour came from his character and his acting is great. He managed to make Jack humorous, cowardly, but a captain at the same time. Keira Knightly and Orlando Bloom were kind of bland. I mean, their acting was alright but it was just overshadowed by Johnny Depp. The story itself wasn't as good as the first one but the special effects were much better.

But I think I'll still watch the third one when it comes out. (yes, I admit, Orlando Bloom is one of the reasons)

Leather Wallets

For some reason, I have a sudden desire to buy a tan-coloured leather wallet. I have a couple of wallets at home and all of them are in good condition and everything but I suddenly feel like I need a 'grown-up' wallet. Not one of those 'trendy' wallets, but the ones that, in my imagination, a successful, beautiful woman would take out of her bag to pay for a coffee at Starbucks in the morning before heading to work. It will be a high quality wallet, genuine leather. I know it sounds disgusting that I'm using animal skin as an accessory, but leather comes from bulls, which are killed for their meat anyways, so making use of the animal and using their skin wouldn't be cruel like using fur, because with fur, the animal is killed for the sole purpose of its skin.

I've always wondered one thing about guys. Whereas girls have lots and lots of wallets, guys buy one wallet, always black leather, and that's the only one they'll ever get. My dad uses a black leather wallet and all the guys I know use a black leather wallet and sometimes when I go to the corner store, I see grandpas using black leather wallets. Is it a guy thing? Does a black leather wallet make you more manly?

Fanfiction Confusion

I don't normally discuss fanfiction outside the forums on the site, simply because I think I obsess about it enough normally that I don't need to obsess anymore on my blog, but today, its not about my obsession, its more about what I want to do with writing.

When I first discovered fanfiction last year, it felt like there was this whole new world of people and stories out there. It was new, refreshing, different. In the beginning, I was just reading and I thought: I want to be like these fanfiction authors, I want to get reviews, I want to write a great story. So I finally got an idea and the guts to write my first chapter and I sent it in at the end of August. It was my first submission, I felt that if it got validated, I would be happy. It got validated, I felt that if I got hits, I would be happy. I got thirty hits on the first day, which I felt was alright, it was my first chapter with only about 800 words and no banner. Then I wanted reviews, I got two reviews in the first week. It felt good to answer them, then I saw other authors with stories in the same category with fifty reviews per chapter. I wanted to be like that. Suddenly, two reviews and thirty hits felt like nothing. I felt like such a loser compared to these writers with seven stories already written and this one with 2000 words per chapter.

So I finished my first story and started writing my second and eventually a one-shot before my third. I have to admit that reviews are very important and they help me update faster simply because I would feel bad if I left my readers hanging too long. And after answering a dozen lovely reviews, I feel good about myself. But I always feel that there's a bit of pressure. I always feel slightly afraid whenever I send in a new chapter that it won't measure up to the ones before or nobody will read the next chapter. I mean, it feels great that people are telling me this is the best _____ fic they have ever read, but then when I work on the next chapter, I would think: would they be disappointed? Or sometimes, I would be reading another author's story and I would feel that my writing would never be as good as theirs. Sometimes I don't know if fanfiction is good for me or bad for me.

Sometimes, I feel like there are a lot of boundaries when it comes to fanfiction. There's the whole OOC thing, like I have to write a character in a certain way and it always feels like I'm borrowing the story from someone, it always feels like the story is never completely mine because I wasn't the one that invented Harry Potter. I think I'm starting to see the dangers of writing fanfiction. When I first started and I read an editorial on Mugglenet talking about the bad side of fanfiction, I totally disagreed. But now I can kind of see the writer's points. I feel like I can't create original characters or write stories that are not taking place in the HP world because I'm so used to it. I feel almost like every story has to take place in Hogwarts. I'm even used to the format, the layout of the chapters where I press enter twice instead of indenting my paragraphs.

I want to be an author someday and publish books, fanfiction is a wonderful place to practice, but I wonder if the practice is worth it if it means it will be affecting the skill to create characters, settings, and original plotlines.

Spelling Problems

You know what's really sad? School's been out for about two weeks and I'm already losing my ability to spell. The other day, I couldn't remember how to spell 'blonde'. Is that sad or what? I kept on thinking, "is it 'blond' or 'blonde'?" I'm getting the French and English spellings all mixed up. This is what happens when you take a second language that has similar English words.

Thank God for spell check.

Emotional Eating

Last night, when I was watching The Sixth Sense on TV, I discovered that I have an emotional eating problem. The movie wasn't about food or eating disorders so I have to explain myself a little bit here. First of all, I was a little bit freaked out when I was watching it about half way through, since it was at night and I was the only one up. I know it isn't a scary movie, but I'm not that great with horror films and the part of the movie where you start seeing it through the little boy's eyes and these dead people were hanging over the doorframe, I just started getting freaked out. So I got some cashews and started eating and watching. For some reason, when I was eating, I didn't feel as freaked out. The music, the mood just didn't seem as creepy. But when I stopped, the movie started creeping me out again.

So as you can see, I discovered that I eat when I'm scared and it makes me feel better.

By the way, I kept on watching the movie even after I stopped eating the cashews and it was a good movie but I found it hard to fall asleep last night since the images of the dead people kept flashing through my mind so I had to listen to my mp3 player for about two hours until I was relaxed enough to fall asleep. I only got about six hours of sleep tonight.

Sigh...

Careers...

I finally found out what an epidemiologist is. Apparently, its someone that researches on health risks and how to prevent them and investigates the roots of epidemics. It sounds like an extremely stressful and scienceish job that I'm not that interested in. I don't really know why, its not that I suck really bad at science or I really hate the subject but to me, science always seems cold, icy, I like history better. I like learning about how people used to live and how society evolved from prehistoric times to our modern society. Its just the type of thing that interests me more. Yet, my top choice after answering over a hundred questions is a science based career....

Anyways, I've listed below all the careers I have ever considered taking from the time in kindergarten up until present day:

Author- I've always loved reading and I like to write. It seems nice to be able to get paid just to write stories and I want to see a book written by me sitting on my bookshelf. Ahhh that would be nice, but there aren't many authors out there that can support themselves by writing full time. No matter what career I decide to pursue, I think I will always write and try to get a book published.

Journalist- I like to know what's happening. I read the newspaper every morning when I ride the bus to school. It would be cool to know what's happening first before anyone else does. Plus, I would get to write for a living, which is good, even if its non-fiction. On the other hand, there is alot of competition in the field and if I freelance, my income would be really unstable and thats not the type of lifestyle I really want.

Columnist- I like to blog and express my opinions, it would be nice to get paid to have my opinions published in a newspaper. I mean, how cool is that? But I would probably need to have been a journalist for many years before I can be a columnist.

Critic- I like the idea of getting free books or free movies or free food and getting paid to comment on them, I do that without getting paid anyways. But if I were to work as a critic, I would have to suffer through horrible books/movies/food no matter how unappealing they look to me because it would be my job. Also, I would need experience in journalism before becoming a critic.

Lawyer- I like to debate and I do have a bit of talent when it comes to arguing, debating for a living does sound very appealing but I know there's alot more to being a laywer than arguing. Its a lot of studying, seven years of post secondary education. I'm going to be spending four years in university getting a political science degree, then three years in law school, then apprentincing for a lawyer for a year after that. Its going to cost alot of money so I'm not sure if I can afford it. Plus, since I want to debate, it would probably make more sense to become a barrister and I would have to sit a Bar exam for that, which I think means more studying. I don't want to become a solictor since that's more paperwork. But lawyers do make a lot of money, which is definitely a plus.

Director- After watching so many 'director's commentaries' while watching DVDs, I like the idea of being able to put my vision of a story on the big screen. But its difficult being a director and its one of those jobs where you don't always get the opportunnity to work and income is unstable, plus I would have to go to some arts college and get a degree in filming first. And I would have to work on the set as a director's assistant or something first. It would take many years before I actually get the chance to direct my own film.

Actress- I take Drama in school and I've always loved being on stage. If I do decide to act in plays, it will be another one of those unstable income jobs because I would only get paid if someone offered me a part in a play. My drama teacher told me that she became a teacher because she couldn't support her family by being an actress. If I do decide to act in movies, it will be difficult because I don't exactly have the right look. I'm not caucasion, blonde, Hollywood-skinny, or with big boobs. Plus, I don't think I would act that well when cameras are pressed in my face and bright lights are shining everywhere. Its a different atmosphere from acting on stage. If I do make it big, I don't think I would be able to handle the paparzzi constantly invading my privacy.

Singer- I like to sing, unfortunately, I can't carry a tune if the existance of the universe depended on it.

Artist- This was from a time period when I was little where I was still refusing to accept the fact that I can't draw and no matter how hard I try, I won't be able to draw like my female classmates. I accept this weakness now and no longer pretend to enjoy drawing, therefore I no longer want to be an artist.

Teacher- This was from when I was little, it seemed like a really nice career to be able to influence the minds of young people, but now that I'm volunteering and worked with a fair share of difficult kids, I don't want to be a teacher and be surrounded by thirty of them in a classroom with me as the only person there to handle them.

Dancer- This came from watching latin dancers with the pretty female dancers with great bodies and pretty dresses dancing with the hot male dancers with sexy bodies. As much as I wish to be the pretty female dancers, I can't even square dance in PE and every Christmas, I always mess up on 'Jingle Bell Rock' and by the time I learn the steps, Christmas is over. So my dreams as a Dancer are dashed.

Public Relations Rep- I can be quite persuasive when I want to be so advertising seems like a good career for me, plus I can throw parties and have fun. But I know there's alot more than that to being a PR and its a lot of working overtime to prepare for events. I'm not sure if I want to be under that kind of stress all the time.

Model- I like the idea of walking down the runway wearing beautiful clothes all the time and being admired, but I don't want a career where my success is based on my looks instead of my abilities. Also, I'm not tall enough and I practically have non-existant curves.

Makeup Artist- I like the idea of making people look beautiful, also I always have fun whenever I put on makeup for fun. But I'm not that great at art and putting on makeup is like painting a picture, so I doubt I'd be good at putting makeup on people.

Psychologist- I do this for fun sometimes, which is analysing my emotions when I can't sleep and I reflect back on my day and think why I did certain things. Also, I use this on people when I'm trying to win arguments, I try to see how they think and use it against them. I would be a psychologist but I know I'd panic if I was faced with a suicidal or mentally unstable person.

Politician- My friends always tell me that I'd make a great politician since I'm good at debating and public speaking, but I don't like the idea of having the public decide whether or not to give me a job based on my private life. (scandals affect politicians, think Bill Clinton and the whole 'intercourse definition thing). But I do like the idea of me being the second female prime minister in the history of Canada.

DJ- By DJ, I mean a radio talk show host, not a disc jockey. I like to talk and express my opinions, it seems like a good idea to be able to get paid and do it. But beginner DJs get really crappy shifts at four am and I don't think I'll be able to talk as well when I'm half asleep.

Librarian- I like to read, why not get paid to hang out in a library? But it seems like a not every interesting job to be stuck in the same building all the time. On the other hand, you get paid pretty well to be a librarian.

Hairstylist- I like the idea of making someone beautiful, but I always find it slightly disgusting to touch people's hair if its dirty.

Accountant- I make budgets for myself all the time and I actually find it kind of fun, but you need to study alot of math to be an accountant and I don't really like math.

Okay, that's all I can think of at the moment, I know there's more so I'll post more when I can remember them.

What I Wanna Be When I Grow Up

This seems like one of those topics that have been talked to death from the moment you enter kindergarten to when you graduate from university. Anyways, I went to this website that I got from CAPP and after doing this very lengthy quiz (more like a test), I got these results:


1. Epidemiologist
2. Historian
3. Researcher
4. Criminologist
5. Market Research Analyst
6. Economist
7. Announcer
8. Public Policy Analyst
9. Genetic Counsellor
10. Writer
11. Activist
12. Lobbyist
13. Translator
14. Director of Photography
15. Arts Administrator
16. Website Designer
17. Interpreter
18. Art Director
19. Anthropologist
20. Political Aide
21. Print Journalist
22. Comedian
23. Actor
24. Technical Writer
25. Public Relations Specialist
26. Television and Radio Reporter
27. Sign Language Interpreter
28.Communications Specialist
29.Mediator
30.Critic
31.Biologist
32.Motivational Speaker
33.Special Effects Technician
34.Artist
35. Photographer
36.Inventor
37.Marketing Specialist
38.Politician
39.Corporate Trainer
40.Professor

Also, apparently, my focus areas are "Liberal Arts and humanities" and "Fine Arts, Design, and Media"

By the way, I have no idea what an epidemiologist is.

Loser

I know I posted only about an hour before, but I think I'm getting addicted to talking about myself. Yes, I'm an attention whore.

I just went on my old xanga account to see what everyone was up to. I haven't been on in ages and my last post must have been half a year ago. Anyways, everyone seemed to be having something to do. People were looking for jobs and getting interviews, out all day hanging out with friends, travelling everywhere with family, etc. And I'm just sitting here in front of my computer whining about my problems here. It feels kind of like I have no life, you know? It feels kind of like everything I want to do this summer just didn't work out and I got left with the second-best option. Instead of getting a job, (which my other 'friend' had promised we would job-hunt together and go to interviews together for moral support. Turned out, she found a job and didn't even tell me she actually found a job, let alone tell me about the job opening or the interview) I'm volunteering. Instead of travelling somewhere, I'm stuck with going to the mall all the time and its getting boring. I always feel there's a little bit of pressure hanging out with my friends that I always have to live up to something. Before you go off labelling me for self-esteem issues, let me tell you that they are the most polite people I have ever met. They always say 'please' and 'thank-you' and when there's a door, they rush to open it, and 'sorry' is the word that seems to be constantly in their vocabulary. They are never late and all are getting almost straight-A's in school. To add to that, their houses are about three times the size of the apartment that I live in. While my family are public transit users owning no cars, they have two cars each. It just feels like I'm not as good as them.

I feel like such a loser.

Platonic Friendships

Last night, I couldn't fall asleep and I was lying on my bed just randomly thinking. One of the thoughts that popped up in my mind is the old question that was in the movie, When Harry Met Sally. Can guys and girls be 'just friends'? So I thought about all the guys I knew where I considered them at least an aquaintance. And I am very ashamed to say that I couldn't think of one guy who I was not attracted to at some point, whether it was physically or to their personality. It seemed I had felt like flirting with each one of those guys at a certain point of the friendship. I mean, I'm obviously not attracted to them in that way anymore. But that leads me to think, do guys and girls always have to get past the 'attraction' stage of their relationship before they can move on to friendship? In the movie, Harry says that its impossible for two people of the opposite gender to remain friends because they would always want to have sex with each other. Does this mean that the sexual attraction between the two genders is what keeps people from being intimate friends? Personally, I'm always closer with my female friends, simply because there are things that would be just too weird to talk to a guy about. If I talked to him about other guys, I would always wonder if he would tell that guy that I talked about them, because there's always the whole 'guys stick together' thing. And I obviously can't talk to them about 'girl stuff'. I mean how awkward would it be if I started discussing brands of tampons or something with them? It would be the equivalant of them walking up to me and telling me that they're having a boner right now. Totally awkward and just plain weird.

Another thing I was wondering about was flirting. Just what is flirting? Teasing? Playfully hitting? Talking? I'm a heterosexual (straight) and I tease my female friends, we went throught that phrase back in elementary school where it seemed funny to slap each other's butts, and we definitely talk. But I'm obviously not flirting with them. What makes this different when it comes to guys? I remember one time where I was at the pool during the summer and me and this guy I knew were splashing each other. Of course, all my friends immediately thought we liked each other and were flirting like crazy. The truth is, I don't know if I was flirting or not. Maybe subconciously, my hormones are directing me to attract males. After all, humans are animals and the whole point of sex and hormones is to find a mate and reproduce. This is what animals do.

This leaves me befuddled and absolutely confuzzled.

One Red Paperclip

I saw the other day on the news about this guy who traded one paperclip for other things and after one year, which I think was yesterday. He traded a movie role for a house in Saskatchewan. I actually didn't know before that his website was a blogger account. Anyways, check it out here: http://oneredpaperclip.blogspot.com/

A Salute to Volunteers

Yesterday, I volunteered for a full day for the very first time. I mean, I've volunteered before but not for this long in one building. Anyways, the first two hours was absolute torture. The entire group of kids consisted of about fifteen boys and three girls. All around the age of 10-12. So there was this 'gym time' thing where they play organized games such as soccer, basketball, etc. As volunteers, originally, I thought all we had to do was to supervise them. But since there weren't many kids, the 'boss' decided that the volunteers should play as well. Now, before I go any further, the only thing I can say about the group of kids is the only way they'll respect you is if you're either a guy or you're extremely good at sports. Since I am neither, I only got ridiculed when I attempted to be friendly and was ignored when I tried to enforce any control at all. When we were 'playing', I bascially stood around the entire time since I didn't get passed the ball or anything, bringing back old feelings of inferiority in P.E. class from Elementary school, not exactly a feeling that cheers me up. After gym time, it got a little better. We (the volunteers) had to 'supervise'. Which meant we were playing foosball, ping pong, and cards. I think the best thing that happened was I learned how to play poker. I don't know how people can volunteer everyday like this. Argh, I mean I found myself hating the kids. I'm trying hard not to, but I just can't help it. This is going to be a long summer...for me at least. To all the dedicated volunteers out there, I salute you! And I'm sorry if I ever gave any of you a hard time when I was a participant in any program.

Dark Chocolate

Being an avid reader/fanfiction writer, I've come across at least a hundred similies/metaphors all dealing with love. There's love is like a rainbow/cloud/sunlight, etc. My personal favourite is love is like chocolate, at first it tastes good, but it ends up being bad for your health. Or maybe that was boys, I don't really remember. Anyways, my personal metaphor is love is like dark chocolate, to be able to truly enjoy it, you need to know how to find sweetness in the bitter and bitter in the sweet. But the thing is, with dark chocolate, I can only ever eat one square at a time, never two in a row, because then the bitter overpowers the sweet and it no longer tastes like anything. Just pure bitterness...

The Amusing World of Internet Explorer

Before I say anything else, I'm going to tell you that I'm a total internet addict. I go on whenever I can and stay on as long as I can. There are many reasons for this, one of them is because I like to see what people I don't know have to say about various issues and I like to discuss things with people that I've never met face-to-face before. Whenever I have a question, all I have to do is google and there's the answer. Plus, there's so many free games out there for me to vent my anger out on and of course, there's blogging. But one thing never ceases to amuse (sometimes annoy) me is the false sense of power that people (including myself) sometimes get when they're on the internet. I mean, I guess when you own a website, you pay for the domain registration fee, the hosting fee, and you spend hours doing your layout; you probably do deserve to make decisions to ban certain people from your site or write long posts with hundreds of swear words about people you dislike. But your power is limited to your site. What people do at other sites is none of your business. I mean, its the internet, you have the freedom of speech. Just because you're in a PMS state of mind doesn't mean you can go around blocking everyone for something they said at another site that you have no authority over. We go online to relax and have fun, not to watch our mouths and hide our opinions. Its not like you're the government or anything and even the government (at least where I live) doesn't go around censoring the media (including the internet). Now if the government can't tell me what I can or can not say, what authority do you people, who hide behind the safety of a computer screen and a username, have over me?

World Cup 2006 Finals

This is my last World Cup post, I promise.

Italian Victory! 5-3 on Penalty Shots!!!

Ah, World Cup 2006 has finally come to an end with the Italians bringing home the cup for the fourth time. The match today wasn't that spectacular, there was so much stoppage and after about eighty minutes, all the players looked really wiped out. First two minutes in and Henry already gets a head injury by colliding with some Italian player and that stopped the game for like three minutes. A few minutes later, a foul to a French player occurs in the penalty area and France gets a penalty shot with a leading goal seven minutes into the game. Then at about nineteen minutes, Materazzi scores for Italy, bringing the game to a tie. During second half, its mostly a lot of 'almost' shots, but nothing in the goal. Extra time had to be played and at about 111 minutes Zidaine suddenly butts Materazzi in the chest and was sent off by the referee with a red card. When I saw that I was like "WTF?" what just happened? Grown men do not run around butting people like bulls! I mean, he's the captain of the French National Soccer team and this is his last game of his career. He'll never play soccer again. What a bad way to end your career! Sent to the locker room and can't even come out and collect the silver medal that the entire French team does not want. Anyways, penalty shoot out, Trezeguet missed, probably out of nerves, resulting in the Italian victory.

Faking Open Mindedness

You know, here in North America, we're supposed to be embracing differences and all opened minded and everything, but I can tell you that we're just faking it. If we're so open minded then why did a movie like Brokeback Mountain generate more publicity than all the other Academy Award Nominees combined? Why would a movie like that get banned in several states in the US? Supposingly the leader in the Free World countries? Why is it accepted for a woman to stay at home and take care of her family after she's married but not for a man? Why would a woman be considered irresponsible if she decides to choose career over family but if a man did the same he would be considered amibitious? Even Canada, its in the consitution that you can do anything as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. Yet, churches are banning gay marriages and polygamy is still being practiced certain parts of British Columbia. The most ironic thing about the polygamy is its practiced by a Christain community. Doesn't it say somewhere in the Bible that you're only allowed to marry one person? In a society where women are respected and treated as equals, why are music videos always featuring half naked women dancing to music that talks about sex, women being objects, and shooting people? People don't know that Bill Gates is rich because he created Microsoft, but they do know that 50 cent got shot nine times. Is something wrong with this picture or is it just me?

Song of the Moment

One of my favourite songs of the moment. 'Linger' by the Cranberries. Its so old, I think I was a toddler when this song first came out, but its such a beautiful song and I love how it talks about when the guy you love breaks your heart but you still find yourself pining away for him.

If you, if you could return
Don't let it burn,
don't let it fade
I'm sure I'm not being rude
But it's just your attitude
It's tearing me apart
It's ruining everything
I swore, I swore I would be true
And honey so did you
So why were you holding her hand
Is that the way we stand
Were you lying all the time
Was it just a game to you

(chorus)
But I'm in so deep
You know I'm such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to let it linger
Oh, I thought the world of you
I thought nothing could go wrong
But I was wrong, but I was wrong

If you, if you could get by
Trying not to lie
Things wouldn't be so confused
And I wouldn't feel so used
But you always really knew
I just wanna be with you

Wash Away

Scarlet, crimson;
ivory, onyx;
thunder, heartbeat;
river, ripple;
ice, fire;
caress, devour;
feel my breath on your neck,
your soul on my skin,
let it all wash away...