Clichéd Mantra

"The show must go on!"
I've probably heard this phrase a million times in movies, books, and even in school. I take Drama and I act in plays, we're always taught that if we forgot our lines, just make it up on the spot. No matter what, don't stand there gaping like an idiot. The audience won't know that the line is wrong. Somehow, I think I've adapted this in real life. The last time I cried in public was over three years ago. "Public" being defined as in front of another human being. Whenever I think I'm going to lose my composure, my mind starts switching to "actress" mode. There were so many times that I wanted to call my friends to cry on the phone, but every time I pick up the phone, I put it back down. I just can't bring myself to show people all my weaknesses. Even typing this right now is hard, but this is my personal goal, I have to lose this side of my personality. I will start by having this up on the internet where a whole bunch of strangers and read at any time. Somehow, putting this in a place where people I don't know can read is actually easier than telling people I know. Sometimes, life feels like I'm on a stage, I can only let the audience see one side of me and when I cry, its not me crying, its my character crying, its part of entertaining the audience. I have acted for a few years now and one of the hardest things to do is to smile when you can feel tears blurring your vision. Its painful, its difficult, but in my mind the only words that keep popping up are "the show must go on." Deep breath, breathe in and breathe out, life goes on...