For some strange reason, for the last week or so, I've been feeling strangely drained. Sometimes, I would feel sort of dizzy for about five minutes, then feel somewhat normal and most of the time, I feel like falling asleep. When I'm at school, I'm just bored. I just can't seem to feel the fire and passion I've had in the previous years for learning and studying. When I'm at home, I want to get out because I can't stand listening to the sound of my parents yelling. When I'm out, window shopping is just pure torture because the thing with Christmas money is, its easy come, easy go. Also, once I'm out, my parents constantly call me on my cellphone once its past six o'clock to demand when I'm coming home. I've grown to hate my cellphone ringtone, the reason why I'm not changing it since I don't want to end up hating the Mozart ones on there. I can't even stand to hang around my friends since they just have to bring their boyfriends along and remind me of my messed up love life and since this year, this certain person has been barging into the group. I admit that I'm brutally straightforward. When I'm not talking to people in my group of intimate friends, I can sugarcoat everything and be fake, its not hard. When I'm with my close friends, I prefer to be real. To be honest, in the begining, I didn't think too much about her tagging along and I was just myself. Of course, she "isn't used to the way I am" and started obviously antagonising me and all my friends seem to be taking her side. I know there's all that stuff about real friends will stick by you and the only thing I know is the loner has no power and is therefore the scapegoat. Me, having read way too many historical fiction novels for a teenger definitely understands throwing a tantrum or acting out won't give me the upper hand in this situation. So now I have to act all civil and nice towards her even though I will never trust her based on both gut feeling and because I know of the female tendency to hold strong grudges. I can barely stand to go on my computer because I know I should work on "Last Summer" but I just can't seem to get the words out the way I want them to and when I can, only depressing angsty stuff comes out because I just can't seem to get fluffy light cute ideas.
Deep breath, inhale, exhale. Must not forget to breathe.
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