A Touch of Nostalgia

The weather is really weird on the West Coast of Canada this year. Its snowing like crazy while on the East Coast, where they usually get the snow while we get the mild weather, are enjoying conditions of which its warm enough for guys to go out jogging in shorts without their shirts on. Meanwhile, we're bundling up in big puffy jackets, toques, scarves, and boots like some sort of fluffy present before leaving our electrically heated havens. It reminds of me of when I was little, back when I was four years old and under in Saskatchewan where it didn't just snow, it blizzared. (is that a word?) The weather was so cold that ice froze on the windowsills and I used to poke at the ice while I looked outside at the white blanketed landscape. I used to live in the capital, but even then it wasn't a big city. The same bus driver worked on the same bus route for years and people actually became friends by sitting next to each other on the bus. People seemed to be in just a little be less of a hurry than they are here and drove just a bit slower. We went to small privately owned stores most of the time instead of the huge corporate mega markets and chatted with the owners while we shopped.

At the same time, I remember alot of horrible things about being little. I remember the helplessness as I didn't know how to defy orders of obedience without being punished. Being short and tiny, the only power I had were the power of tears. I know I got my "resistance from tears" genes from my parents because of course, crying never bought me sympathy. At least, not the type of sympathy I needed. Now that I'm older, I realize that my parents yell at me and hit me/threaten to hit me when I cried when I was little was because they couldn't stand the sight of me doing that and they knew that if I continued crying, they would give in to me in the end and they didn't want to do that. But I've had enough experience when I was younger to know that tears must not be lightly shed. Each drop is shed with a plan, a strategy, at the right moment in the right circumstances to get what you want.

I guess I was never really innocent, eh? Always schemingly evil with no good intentions except to advance my own interests. Coldheartedness does start at an incredibly young age...