The Unbalanced Scales of Love

Why is it that in a relationship, one person always loves or cares about the other person more? I've been on the side of the relationship where I care more, many, many times. It sucks and I know it. Now I'm on the side where the other person cares more, should I be happy? Maybe I should, but I'm not. Every time I am told something that should theoretically go weak in the knees or blush or be flattered or just something, I just don't feel anything. I feel so guilty every time this happens and I don't feel anything, instead of standing there in awkward silence, I just say something back or I kiss him or something like that just so I feel less guilty. I'm beginning to wonder whether I'm incapable of loving anyone but myself or maybe I'm just a cold and hard-hearted girl.

From Me To You

Me.

I stand with my white jacket stained,
School bag on my back.
I am muddled, confused, and lost.
I tell you, I need an excuse to arrive late.
You promise to stay.

You, a crown of forbidden glory on your head,
Heart humble on your sleeve.
Voice deep like a man's,
Laughs coming easily like a boy's.

I call out and you reply.
Words flow out like a stream,
We turn a block from school.
I laugh and you smile,
Another corner in the path.

I whisper goodbye,
You smile and wave.
As I walk away;
Away from your scent,
Away from your voice,
Away from your heart.

I find myself melting,
Melting into,

You.

Valentines Day

Once again, its Valentines Day. As usual, it was boring, butttttttttt I made a list of Valentines Day fics/books/movies/other stuff. Though the list is pretty short since I'm having a brainblock right now and can't think

Links

http://www.factmonster.com/spot/valentines-day.html
Some family friendly G rated info about Valentines Day, kind of interesting though and in very simple language.

http://www.singlesawareness.com
Some anti-Valentines day people! Go Singletons!

Fics
I'm not gonna give links because I'm too lazy to find them.

On http://www.checkmated.com

Going Through The Motions by Slayerette
The Good Fight by Slayerette
Weight of the World by Slayerette
The Book of Morgan LeFay by lavenderbrown
The Final Reckoning by lavenderbrown
See Hermione Score by arios1
Fellytones and Fuzzy Slippers: A Love Story by TheTreacleTart
The Devil's Triangle by fresh pickled toad
Between Fantasy and Reality by jocjarmom


On http://www.thequidditchpitch.org

Sailing the Dark Ship by kjcp
War and Passion by RedBlaze
Fire and Ice by RedBlaze

On http://www.dracoandginny.com

Keeping Christmas on the Death Train by Anise
Along Came a Wizard by fallenwitch

On http://www.siye.co.uk

It Happened One Night by Sundevil05


Movies

The Notebook
Breakfast At Tiffany's
Titantic
Love Actually
Bridget Jones's Diary

Books

Songs of the Humpback Whale by Jodi Picoult
Plain Truth by Jodi Picoult
See Jane Score by Rachael Gibson
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

Happy Valentines Day!

(or Singles Awareness Day if you prefer)

The Woes Of Love And IM

You would think that all the new gadgets would make it easier to connect with people (ahem the male species), but after years of using said gadgets, I have concluded that this is a big fat lie that corporate companies have been feeding us. Think about this: way back when, the only way to communicate someone without actually talking face to face with them was to to send a letter. When they don't reply, you have millions of excuses. The guy delivering your message could have ran off with the post thinking that you sent money. His horse might have broken its leg and in a strange and long winding turn of events, the letter was never delivered. The messenger might have met bandits on the road and was robbed of everything, including your letter. Even when we fast forward a couple of centuries into a more modern mail system, lots of things could still go wrong. Cars broke down, boats sank, if you sent the letter "postage collect", maybe the person you're sending the letter to didn't want to pay for the letter and decided to return it to the sender instead. Now fast forward through a few decades, maybe you would send a telegram instead. Of course, a million other things could go wrong. The telegraph operator could have misinterpreted the message you wanted to send, for some strange reason, some weird technical difficulty might have prevented your message from getting through. Or when the person delivering the telegram might have lost it for some strange reason. Now lets fast forward to telephones. When telephones were first invented, every time someone called in one house in the neighbourhood, all the phones rang. Every household had a special ring so you had to learn to recognize your ring. That person might not call you because they're shy and they don't want the whole neighbourhood knowing that there's something between you two and its way too easy for other people to eavesdrop on your conversation. Now lets fast forward to emails. You might not get a reply to your email because for some reason, it got lost in cyberspace, or that person doesn't check their email inbox. The point is, in all the above ways of communication, there's always some excuse you can make to yourself as to why that person isn't replying to you, but with instant messaging technology such as Windows Live Messenger, Yahoo Messenger, ICQ, etc, there are no excuses you can make. You can see their status as clearly online and every time you message them and they don't message you back, you feel stupid and like you're obsessing over him or something.

As you can see, we were better off with the letters and the horses.

"I'd rather get rechargeble batteries..."

Ahh yesss, "Sex and the City", the single girl's T.V. friend(s), here to defend us against the violent Hallmark Valentines Day attack. The stormy sea of red cardboard hearts drowns our protesting cries of overcommercialism while Cupid's arrow decides to stab our lonely ass. However, I saw on the news the other day that Anti-Valentines day cards are now available at Carlton Cards, whaddya know? I tried googling for a picture of it but I couldn't find it...but I found this little gem:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/airport_sleeper/99466837/

Only three more days to go before its over, hang in there!

SIRC Guide to Flirting

While you're sitting around twiddling your thumbs wondering if he's really flirting with you or how to improve your flirting skills, why not check this guide out:

http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.html

I always laugh when I read these things. Its so funny to see these things put in 'professional lingo'.

He's Just Not That Into You

Intuition, female or male is something that guides us. An inner instinct that we use in everything from whether to cross the street when some creepy guy approaches to how we move our lips when we kiss. But sometimes, it just seems like intuition gets clouded. When you want something badly enough, it seems like your mind creates illusions to humour you. When he sits next to you, you feel like he's sitting just a bit closer than he needs to. When he dances with you, you think he might be holding you just a little closer. When he talks to you, it seems like you're the only person in the world. When he sees you passing by the hallway, he always does something to show that he sees you, and you're special. But as time goes by, you notice that he treats other girls the same way, he never calls or msgs, yet you still cling on. In an almost pathetic sort of way, you replay all the good memories of him you have, all the times he's done something sweet. You find yourself remembering all the conversations you've had with him. Finally, in desperation, you find yourself going after him, but he brushes you off like a piece of lint. You're not important to him, you never were. You were just another girl out of the sea of a million faces. Finally, you take a step back and look at the big picture. Its as if you've been released from chains, shackles. Because now, you've woken up, you've realized that he's just not that into you.

Old Fashioned Chivalry

For some reason, I always find the vision of being able to lean on a guy and cry on his shoulder while he strokes my back very comforting. The vision is always in black and white, I can never see his face, I can only hear his voice. I know that people say chivalry is so old fashioned, annoying, sexist. But sometimes, I find it kind of sweet. I do admit that I'm a bit of a feminist, I believe that females can do anything males can, (With the exception of certain bodily functions of course) but admit it. If you had to pay for a guy's dinner on a date, you would be pissed and wouldn't want to go out with him ever again, right? If a guy paid for your dinner, you wouldn't mind. I think its a really nice feeling sometimes. Just the arm around you, the jacket when you're cold and you can still feel his body heat on the jacket against your skin, letting you go in first when he opens the door. Its almost politeness that I rarely see on some guys. Chivalry is the only way where they won't be afraid to actually act somewhat polite and not be viewed as a wimp. The only chivalrous thing I wouldn't like is the whole hankerchief thing. Thats just gross. Its like offering someone a used tissue. However, I suppose that could be replaced with a pack of tissues. Anyways, I don't think chivalry is dead...at least, I hope not.

Love as a choice?

Can you choose you you fall in love with? This is probably one of the most common themes in romance. I mean, look at Romeo and Juliet, if Romeo had a choice, he wouldn't have been stupid enough to put himself in the agony of being in love with the daughter of a rival family and vice versa. The idea of love being something that you can't control, some force in the world beyond anyone's understanding is extremely romantic of course. The whole thing with a kiss being more powerful then lets say, a gunshot. But then of course, you have all the religious people walking around saying that you can choose who you love, therefore if you marry someone who is not in the same religion as you, thats a sin, and if you decide to fall for someone of the same sex, thats a sin. But the thing is, if love really is a choice, why would anyone be stupid enough to choose to torture themselves? Why would we choose to fall for someone that we know will neve return our feelings? Why do we get stupid crushes? Why wouldn't we just give up on love all togther? Might as well end the agony and complications and be free. Yes, we won't get the wonderful feeling of love but in exchange, we won't have to risk suffering. I'm sure there are alot of people out there who will gladly choose to give up love if that was possible. What about all those extremely ambitious people out there who want to succeed and will stop at nothing to accomplish their goals? Surely they wouldn't want to have a soft spot hindering their progress. I mean, even Hitler had a wife. I don't remember too correctly but I think they had a small, private cermony after the Germans surrendered and then commited suicide together. Something like that. I mean, Hitler would probably have chosen not to love if given the choice since bestowing his feelings on someone would give him a weakness that his enemies can use against him. They may kidnap her in exchange for his power, or he may have to use a lot of security to protect her, therefore weakening his own security. Or, she may try to talk him out of his plans, and he might soften in her emotions and give into her demands. But of course, religious people always tend to drag out Lucifer/Satan/The Devil, saying that he's influencing our subconcious. Though I tend to think that it would make more sense for the devil to offer us some sort of anti-love treatment since alot of religion is saying that God is love. So wouldn't it be smarter to do that and drive us away from God instead of making us fall for the wrong (wrong being defined as people disapproved by our religion) people? Religion and logic are two things that seem to continuously drive me crazy. Must stop thinking so much...

Platonic Friendships

Last night, I couldn't fall asleep and I was lying on my bed just randomly thinking. One of the thoughts that popped up in my mind is the old question that was in the movie, When Harry Met Sally. Can guys and girls be 'just friends'? So I thought about all the guys I knew where I considered them at least an aquaintance. And I am very ashamed to say that I couldn't think of one guy who I was not attracted to at some point, whether it was physically or to their personality. It seemed I had felt like flirting with each one of those guys at a certain point of the friendship. I mean, I'm obviously not attracted to them in that way anymore. But that leads me to think, do guys and girls always have to get past the 'attraction' stage of their relationship before they can move on to friendship? In the movie, Harry says that its impossible for two people of the opposite gender to remain friends because they would always want to have sex with each other. Does this mean that the sexual attraction between the two genders is what keeps people from being intimate friends? Personally, I'm always closer with my female friends, simply because there are things that would be just too weird to talk to a guy about. If I talked to him about other guys, I would always wonder if he would tell that guy that I talked about them, because there's always the whole 'guys stick together' thing. And I obviously can't talk to them about 'girl stuff'. I mean how awkward would it be if I started discussing brands of tampons or something with them? It would be the equivalant of them walking up to me and telling me that they're having a boner right now. Totally awkward and just plain weird.

Another thing I was wondering about was flirting. Just what is flirting? Teasing? Playfully hitting? Talking? I'm a heterosexual (straight) and I tease my female friends, we went throught that phrase back in elementary school where it seemed funny to slap each other's butts, and we definitely talk. But I'm obviously not flirting with them. What makes this different when it comes to guys? I remember one time where I was at the pool during the summer and me and this guy I knew were splashing each other. Of course, all my friends immediately thought we liked each other and were flirting like crazy. The truth is, I don't know if I was flirting or not. Maybe subconciously, my hormones are directing me to attract males. After all, humans are animals and the whole point of sex and hormones is to find a mate and reproduce. This is what animals do.

This leaves me befuddled and absolutely confuzzled.

Dark Chocolate

Being an avid reader/fanfiction writer, I've come across at least a hundred similies/metaphors all dealing with love. There's love is like a rainbow/cloud/sunlight, etc. My personal favourite is love is like chocolate, at first it tastes good, but it ends up being bad for your health. Or maybe that was boys, I don't really remember. Anyways, my personal metaphor is love is like dark chocolate, to be able to truly enjoy it, you need to know how to find sweetness in the bitter and bitter in the sweet. But the thing is, with dark chocolate, I can only ever eat one square at a time, never two in a row, because then the bitter overpowers the sweet and it no longer tastes like anything. Just pure bitterness...

Wash Away

Scarlet, crimson;
ivory, onyx;
thunder, heartbeat;
river, ripple;
ice, fire;
caress, devour;
feel my breath on your neck,
your soul on my skin,
let it all wash away...

Movie Truths

For all you boys out there, this post is directed to you.

Last night, I was watching Deuce Biggilo: Male Giggilo (sp?) which was supposed to be a comedy but really wasn't that funny. However, there was a part that I felt made a very good point. In the story, Deuce cleans aquariums for a living and a fish in a Giggilo's (a male prostitute, or according to Deuce, a 'man whore') house was sick and he needed to go to Europe for three weeks, so Deuce ends up watching his house and babysitting his fish for him and breaks his six thousand dollar fish tank in the process. So Deuce becomes a Giggilo to earn money and buy a new fish tank. Throughout his career, he doesn't sleep with a single woman (besides the one he fell in love with) but he still earns enough moeny to buy the fish tank. The women didn't actually pay him money to have sex with them, they continued paying him just for dates because he made them feel good about themselves. I think this is with pretty much every female. We like to feel good about ourselves. We like to feel beautiful, intelligent, and loved. You don't have to have a six-pack or be super tall. You just have to pay attention to us and actually do things that make us feel special and in return, we'll love you for who you are.