Little Miss Scary (or rather, INSANE)

Weeeeeeeee!!!!! After all these months of bottled up anger and stress, I think I've finally gone insane. Everything seems strangely emotional to me nowadays, even "Spongebob Squarepants" seems strangely touching. All the people that want to "look at my work" in socials class tempt me to throw a loud temper tantrum on the spot. All of a sudden, when I think about Theatre Company, I want to laugh. A friend pointed out to me a few days ago that we're all in Theatre Company because we need to mask our insecurities with being in the spotlight but once one of us actually gets the spotlight and the attention, we have to go about bringing that person down because we can't stand the idea of anyone but ourselves in the spotlight. Doesn't this seem funny? Deep inside, we're all a bunch of school yard bullies with attention-whore complexes. I spent most of today watching alternating episodes of "Prison Break" and "Sex and the City", two things that do not mix at all. While watching and even right now, I kept playing with my tape measure keychain, trying to see how long I can stretch the tape measure and then pulling the button back without getting lashed by the tape measure. Meanwhile I am also ignoring the fact that I have alot of homework to do and instead, am slacking off. I feel extremely blocked in terms of fanfiction right now and I feel almost like giving up. Today I spent hours in the mall testing various brands of foundation on my hand and trying out perfumes by spraying it on those little cardboard. The result: my hand smelled like alot of perfumes (primarily the Calvin Klein ones) mixed together. I felt like I was having a girly day out with myself.

If by now you're still reading this post, I think you realize that none of this makes any sense at all.

LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA

The Underappreciated Careers

The only thing I can say right now is that April sucks. I'm stressed, pissed off, and slightly sad. Thirty-two people died in a shooting at Virginia Tech, I am once again, going through my college/university options and career choices. In the midst of all this, I succumbed to my unhealthy habit of emotional eating, which led to my realization that one of the most admirable careers in the world was being a farmer. Even with modern technology and huge ass tractors instead of oxen and plow, being a farmer still isn't easy. You have to risk losing your crops to uncontrollable elements like the weather. The biggest reason for my admiration is that farmers are the ones who grow our food. You could be Bill Gates or the King/Prime Minister of Saudi Arabia, it doesn't matter. If you want your lettuce and tomatoes. If you want your bacon and eggs, you get it from the farmers. Despite all of this, my mental image of farmers has always been some guy in overalls, boots drenched in mud, pulling stuff from his field. What were my feelings towards a farming career? It seemed so... backwards and unambitious. Its like those movie cliches where the uneducated boy in plaid and overalls has a piece of straw or wheat or whatever it is hanging out of their mouth and start talking with a strange accent while sitting on top of a rusty old tractor. But I suddenly realized how important farmers were in my life. They don't exactly affect me directly but I have three meals a day (not including snacks) and the food definitely didn't appear spontaneously out of mid air. Of course, my parents paid cold hard cash for the food, but I still admire those farmers out there. I certainly can't imagine waking up at five in the morning to tend to my crops or anything like that. People go around thinking off all these professions that influence people: doctors, lawyers, politicians... Nobody ever thinks about the people who grow the food that the influential people eat to stay alive and be influential in the first place.

This led me to think about all the other underappreciated careers there are out there. What about garbage collectors? I never thought much about the neon orange/yellow vest wearing individuals who I notice pull by every now and then to pick up the garbage. (I live in an apartment so we have a garbage compactor, therefore there isn't the generic vision of the garbage man/woman pulling up to the front of my house and collecting the trash) A few summers ago, (now that I think of it, quite a few summers ago) the garbage collectors went on strike. I don't think it takes too much explaining to feel the agony of walking past an alley on a hot summer's day with the stench of weeks of garbage wafting over to you.

Oh no, I just heard on the news that the garbage collectors might be having a strike again! Just as the weather is growing warmer....

Now I'm completely off topic and should probably go back to working on my fanfic.

Weekend Store Hours

I really don't understand why stores close earlier on weekends. It makes no sense at all. I mean, weekends are when people don't have to go to work and therefore have more time to shop. Stores are open late on weekdays when people are too tired to shop after work or they have to go to sleep earlier because they have to wake up early the next morning. Doesn't it make sense to extend store hours on weekends? I mean, they would make so much more money by mall-lingering people like me who can spend the entire day at the mall. Well, I mostly window shop but that's not the point. This pretty much takes out half of the things one could possibly do on a weekend when staying out late. I mean, come on, this is ruining the country's economy here!!

Okay, fine, I admit it. The source of this frustration comes from me taking the goddamned CD-ROM/DVD drive to the store for an exchange/refund and finding it closed. ARGH!

The Computer Drama

God, if I can use my computer to crack open beers, maybe I'd feel a bit more mellow and less pissed off at this piece of crap. Before I go on any further, if you don't know already, I'm not exactly a computer expert and don't know much about computers beyond the basic stuff.

This horrid tale begins with my CD-ROM drive no longer functioning. Now my computer is a little more than five years old, but for some reason, it can't even play DVDs and I've been thinking of getting a DVD drive for a while anyways so this gave me an excuse to get a CD/DVD drive combo that all the new computers now have. So I skipped along to the neighbourhood Future Shop, a place where they over-charge you for the same metal crap you get everywhere else. Now I'm aware of the red-uniformed vultures (also known as salespeople) who prey on computer idiots like me. They had an internal drive for $60 and an external drive connected via USB cable for $70. Ohhhh the external drive, what a beautiful thing, what a wonderful thought! I must admit, my pulse quickened at the thought of not having to open up my computer and mess around with the inside, which always makes me uneasy. But... (there's always a but) the thought of paying seventy bucks is not a very appealing thought. So as usual, I asked around a few friends who were better with computers. They advised me to get an internal drive since it would be faster and to go to this store that sells everything factory-direct. So I went there today and got an internal drive for $25. I thought "This is great! Same product for a fraction of the cost!" Boy...this is where the trouble began. I have a HP Pavillion 7917 with its stupid goddamned plastic outercase and a spare space for an extra drive. So first, I started off with trying to take my original drive out. For some reason, one of the screws just wouldn't come out no matter which screwdriver I used. So I, I decided to put the new drive in the spare space. There's a metal covering in the spare space so I guess people won't accidentally stick things inside their computer. But getting that piece of metal out... I think the scratches on my hands and that splotch of blood that's still on the inside of the lid explains the story very well. Afterwards, I still couldn't stick the drive in because there wasn't enough room so I had to unscrew some things. So I stuck the drive in and screwed the rest of the components back in. I figured, finally, the easy part has come: installing the drive. Now this is the part where I think that whoever designed the packaging must have very low I.Q. THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL WAS ON CD-ROM!!! If my CD-ROM drive was working, I wouldn't need to buy another fucking drive, would I?! The drive can't read the CD-ROM if it hasn't been installed. So I opened hardware manager. It said there was something wrong with installation. So I figured maybe I plugged the wrong plug in or something, so I shut off my computer and opened it up again. After switching the plug, I turned on my computer and had to wait 15 minutes for my internet security suite to load so it would stop blocking all my attempts at modifying the computer's settings. I tried installing: same message, wouldn't install.

Three hours worth of installation attempts later: the same result.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Petty Revenge

This is my 100th post on this blog! Its not a particularly happy or deep and soulful post. It is a post of petty revenge that I have resisted until this day to act upon.

This is a picture of someone that I will call "Dick" for the purposes of protecting his identity despite how much he does not deserve it. Also, of course, the double meaning of the name gives you a sense of what his personality is like. No offense to any of you out there named "Dick". In my previous rants about Theatre Company and the Spring Play, I have mentioned the group of people determined to have their way and ignore other people's ideas. "Dick" is the ringleader. In the drama studio, there are quite alot of pictures of people in Theatre Company in various plays. I have quite a few pictures posted on the walls. The other day, I noticed that in almost all of my pictures, somebody took a sharpie and decided to blot out my face. My immediate emotions of course were rage and different methods of revenge ran through my mind. I knew that "Dick" and his "followers" did it. They are the ones that hang around the drama studio all the time and they are the ones who, when being reprimanded by the director, immediately demand to know from the people around if I was the one that said anything, as if I would sink to his level. After calming down slightly, I decided to take matters in my own hands, not in an act of revenge, but to look at the big picture. Sure, I could stay in Theatrre Company next year and endure all the little acts of petty revenge taken on me. I know my friends in Theatre Company really want me to stay and the director wants to as well. But I know that I will never be happy and be able to relax and have fun if I constantly wonder if people are talking about me when they split up into groups and talk. I could stay and "stick it out" for another year, but in the end, who wins? I'm the one that's going to be unhappy. Does it really matter so much who "wins"? If I'm happy, I know I've won. I'm not the one that has to scrap for the spotlight on stage to get attention. I walk with my head high and know I can shine no matter where I go. As for the picture? My little act of petty revenge, returning the favour of what he had done to me. Only this picture is plastered on the internet for all to see...

That felt good.

A Good Christian Girl

Despite the picture, this is not a post mocking religion or anything like that.

During one of the heiniously long Theatre Company rehearsals the other day, I was talking to one of my friends (he's a guy) about various things and both of us were the type of people that don't find it very awkward to discuss sex and stuff like that. So we were talking about reading smut and watching porn and he said with a half-surprised tone, "I thought you were a good church-going Christian girl." Even though he didn't say it seriously, that line stuck in my head and I couldn't stop thinking about it and I suddenly felt like a very, very bad person. I felt like I was slandering the religion by being such a bad representation of Christianity. It striked me all of a sudden that my confused emotions towards religion was not because of certain beliefs of the church that I go to, the problems come from me. All along, I was just looking for the excuse to allow myself to break all the commandments in the Bible. I realize that just because I disagree with one belief from my church doesn't mean I should stop following the basic beliefs of Christianity. It doesn't making okay for me to be selfish or to lie. I never stopped believing that God existed in the first place, I was too lazy and weak to follow His rules.
This also lead to another thought: how did I get from the "cooties" stage of childhood to enjoying being...sexual. I remember the nurse coming in to talk to us about sex and condoms in grade five. I couldn't imagine anybody wanting to have sex. Having somebody stick the place where they pee into my "private part" didn't sound very enjoyable at all. I couldn't imagine my parents having sex. Surely there must be some other way of making babies besides having sex, right? Masterbating... why would anyone do that? Mom always says that its dirty "down there" and you should only touch it with your hands when you clean it. Having sex before marriage?! Out of the question! Everyone knows only bad people do that! Now that I look back on how I used to see these things, I feel that I've both grown up and have lost my touch of innocence. I feel a little sad when I look back. The boundaries of good and evil seemed so much clearer back then.
Now this lead on to a thought about morals. (yes, I obviously have no life, therefore I have alot of time to ponder about things) Where does our sense of conscience and morals come from anyhow? Christians get it from the Bible, from the ten commandments. Stealing, lying, and cheating on your lover is bad becuase God tells us so. Then where do the atheists get their conciences from? If concience is something that is instilled in us since the moment we are born, I think that is a sign that God is truly with every one of us.

Am I a good Christian girl? I think I know the answer to that one. Do I want to be a good Christian girl? Maybe that is truly the question I need to ask myself.

Determination Versus Bravery

Sometimes, I wonder if its braver to suck it up and stay in an unpleasant situation or just to walk away and give up. If you stay, you're suffering, but its familiar routine. If you quit, sometimes you find yourself missing the old familiar routine and some fun aspects of it that you didn't realize was there before. But it takes bravery to stand up and leave a familiar enviornment behind. Then you have all these sayings like "Winners never quit, quitters never win". I guess I'm one of the losers in between like the picture above; constantly halfway between quitting and continuing on. Always wanting to take the stairs to the fitness centre but ending up on the escalators anyways.

*sigh*

No Life in April

See those orange X's? Thats all the days I have to stay after school for Theatre Company rehearsals. As you can see, I will have no life at all in April and no time for fanfiction. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Why I Hate To Cry

Despite all the reports about how crying is healthy and it does actually feel good afterwards, I don't like crying. I guess its from when I was little and my parents would yell and me and hit me more if I started crying so I just learned to suck it up and hold it in. I hate how weak I feel when I get all choked up by sobs and the mountain of kleenex keeps piling up as I get all slobbery and I feel like sinking into a puddle. Like today, I know I shouldn't care about what other people think. But it hurts to think of these people holding their grudges because I disagreed with them and talking behind my back saying stuff like "I want to slap her [me] across the face" when every time they forget a line or stumble in a play, I was the one encouraging them. It makes me question why the hell I stayed in theatre company despite all the times I said I was quitting. Its so hard to stand on stage for hours during rehearsal and wonder whether I'm amongst friends or enemies. I felt like crying all day after I knew what these people were saying. Of course, the other part of me wanted to snap her fucking neck into two pieces but thats a whole other feeling. Finally, at home, talking to the only friend I could trust, I cried. I felt like a loser for crying, but I know that after the kleenex is cleared up and the tears are dried, I, once again, stand strong.

Post-vacation Lag

I sometimes wonder whether or not the vacation is really worth the suffering when its over and its the first day back to my normal routine. Not only is today the first day back from spring break, but its also a Monday. Lets just say, it took me fifteen minutes to drag myself out of bed this morning and I can't even describe the effort involved to keep my eyes open while brushing my teeth and having breakfast. In fact, as bizzare as it may sound; even with my mp3 player on at full blast and the icy early-spring morning breeze attacking my face, I felt sleepy while walking to school. In fact, throughout the entire day, I had to fight to stay awake in class. Even while typing this post I want to sleep. You may be wondering why I'm posting instead of sleeping. The reason: homework on the first day back.

I will not fall asleep, I will not fall asleep, I will not fall asleep...

Bored

I think I'm at the point in my life where I'm absolutely bored of everything and I'm dying for some sort of change. Everything I do seems to be for the purpose of completing a task or living up to a commitment. Nothing seems fun and shocking. I need to go out and see the world; meet some new weirdos that I have yet to get used to their weirdness and away from people who already have expecations of who I am. I want to hear music from another land, inspire new people and in turn, be inspired by their differences. I need to get away from this similarity in my life that seems to blend one day into the next. For once, I want to wake up in the morning and not know what's going to happen throughout the day.

Argh, I need a vacation or a drink.

Maybe both would be nice.

From Me To You

Me.

I stand with my white jacket stained,
School bag on my back.
I am muddled, confused, and lost.
I tell you, I need an excuse to arrive late.
You promise to stay.

You, a crown of forbidden glory on your head,
Heart humble on your sleeve.
Voice deep like a man's,
Laughs coming easily like a boy's.

I call out and you reply.
Words flow out like a stream,
We turn a block from school.
I laugh and you smile,
Another corner in the path.

I whisper goodbye,
You smile and wave.
As I walk away;
Away from your scent,
Away from your voice,
Away from your heart.

I find myself melting,
Melting into,

You.

Unbelievably Lost and Confused

I have no idea what I'm doing with my life right now, I feel so confused and lost. It seems like lately, I've been changing my life in a decisive and dramatic fashion. I've had my eyes set on such impossible and bizzare goals. At the same time, I question whether or not I'm making the right decision. Am I screwing things up rather than changing my life for better?
I quit the Ultimate Frisbee team because it took me two years to realize that I never liked the sport in the first place. What I liked about it was the feeling of togetherness when I played side by side with my team members and the feeling that I belonged. I only joined in the first place because my friends joined and I didn't want to feel left out. I remembered in grade eight when they all joined the Library Club and it seemed too boring for me so I didn't join. I ended up sitting alone by my locker whenever they had meetings; I didn't want a repeat of the same events with Ultimate. So for two years, I spent every practice staring at my watch, hoping for practice to end soon. My skills improved, but not enough for anyone to pass to me during a game. I would run around for two hours, get exercise, but never get the disc. My friends were (and still are) crazy about the sport, I played along, but always felt like such a fake afterwards. I guess I'm finally tired of pretending. My friends don't quite grasp the concept that I don't like Ultimate and just think that I'm being irresponsible and lazy. I would explain again but its not worth my time to do so and I'm not obliged to explain anything to anyone in the first place.
With my friends, lately, I've been confiding in my guy friends more than my close girl friends. Around my female friends, I feel the pressure to act like a goody-goody. They are the type of people who would feel awkward and embarassed if the subject of sex ever came up and have probably never said the f-word once in their lives. With my guy friends, it seems so much easier to confide in them because there isn't the pressure to censor everything before it comes out of my mouth when I feel the need to rant. But at the same time, I miss the closeness that I share with them, but then I don't really want to seek them out and talk. I guess the arrogant side of me thinks that if they don't come to me, why should I waste my time going to them? I don't know whether I want to stand out amongst my firends or fit in. When I stand out, I feel lonely and left out, but whe I fit in, I feel as though I'm just a part of the crowd and not a distinct person.
With religion, I am especially confused. In a sense, its too deeply imbedded in me for me to ever practice Wicca or become a Buddhist or anything like that, but I always feel so fake whenever I sit in a church. Most of the things that the pastor tells me not to do, I don't want to stop. As much as it sounds so great to many people to be all moral and everything, its just not me. There's so many don'ts in Christianity. Don't think lustful thoughts, don't masterbate, don't date non-Christians, don't have sex before marriage, don't swear or take the name of the Lord in vain. Most of all, the thing that disturbs me the most is how intolerant Christianity can be. I remember that one sermon that probably planted the seed of doubt in my mind. Apparently, according to my pastor, being homosexual is a sin and isn't something that you are born with but something that you choose. Despite being straight, this is exactly the opposite of what I believe in. I believe that people should love whomever they wish without being prosecuted.
With my future career, I want to be something that involves writing. I want to be a journalist and make a difference in the world with my opinons. My goal is to some day, be as influential the way Oriana Fallaci was. But at the same time, I know that being a journalist is not a very stable career and not very many journalists manage to make it big. Also, being a successful journalist would mean sacrificing the opportunnity to get married and start a family. Even though I highly doubt I'll ever be a wife and mother, the idea of living alone for the rest of my life does not sound very appealing. Plus, I could be sacrificing this and still turn out to be unsuccessful. I've also thought about being an English teacher. I had the chance to teach a Drama 8 class the other day and it felt really good. The teacher thought I was great and I had a great time. On the toher hand, being a teacher isn't exactly feeding my ambitious dreams. But educating the society of tommorow is a very rewarding thing. I don't even know where I'm going for college yet. I want to go somewhere far away, experience life, see the world, and get away from my parents. But I know I can't afford it because my parents never started a college fund for me. Despite my Honour-Roll grades, my parents never felt that they should save up for my education. In fact, they were about to start a college fund for me a couple of years ago when tehy learned that the Canadian government gives $500 to your fund or something, but they gave up on the notion when they realized that the child had to be under 12 or else the government wouldn't pay you anything.
Argh, I hope I'll pull my act together in the end.

Theatre Company Woes

I've never really quite understood why the world of celebrities always seemed to be filled with assorted scandals until recently. I was a drama student ever since I entered high school. Even before that, I always enjoyed giving oral presentations and being on stage for a few moments in an assembly or a small scale play. I love acting, it gives me a chance to be someone else for a period of time on stage. The first time I was in a large scale school play, I felt like I was the one tht held the audience's attention, in the spotlight, they only had eyes for me. It was a feeling of triumph, ecstasy, and power like no other. Afterwards, people came up to me and told me I did a good job and that it felt cool to see someone they knew on stage. I auditioned for the Theatre Company at my school, the drama class that produces the large production plays and is made up of the best actors in the entire school. I got in and for most of the year, it was a good experience. I had the chance to meet people from different grades and had the opportunnity to not only act in many quality productions but also opportunnities to work with industry professionals. However, in the past couple of days, I discovered the uglier side of being in a room full of actors.
Now I'm going to admit to you right now that actors for the most part are egotistical people and I'm including myself in this comparison, even though I'm speaking in a third-person perspective. In a sense, I suppose its understandable. Actors are the ones with the ability to remain composed despite of nerves, they're the ones with the loudest voices, and the ones with the best lying and deceiving skills. However, its getting to the point where its getting absolutely out of hand and I can't stand it anymore. This is the situation: every year, we put on at least one huge production. This year however, we are in a bit of trouble. There were problems with budgeting for the original script chosen, so we couldn't do that. Our drama teacher, and right now I'm going to say this for anybody out there who has not been to a single drama class/workshop: I have never met a normal drama teacher before; they all seem to be eccentric in some way. Anyhow, the drama teacher brings in this woman with ideas that are....rather more appropriate for the sixties. Lets just say, we're not into the whole hippie stuff anymore. So the entire group confronted the teacher, we didn't like where this was going. After much argument, it was decided that we would come up with something on our own. We decided to do a Shakespeare production, I have no disagreements with that. After all, Shakespeare is considered to be one of the greatest playwrights of all time, it'll be pretty interesting to work on that. But, there's a select group of people that I have not had a problem with until this point in time. All they want to do is to be "funny". Now I put that in quotations because humour can be divided into two categories. There's the good kind and the crap kind. The good kind would be like the movie "Forrest Gump", where humour is written in a way that makes you laugh from the heart; with clever dialogue and an intelligent but comedic story. The crap humour would be like "Date Movie". Its humour that gives you a quick laugh, but you leave the movie theatre/playhouse with nothing. For some reason, a particular group of people feel the need to make the play "funny". Well, that's alright, different strokes for different folks, right? You like the play funny, I want something with more substance. Its the way they're acting that pisses me off. They wanted to completely change Shakespeare. This isn't the part that's annoying yet. I didn't like the idea much though. Having all the characters in the tragedies fake their death and then pair Hamlet up with Juliet, Ophelia with Nick Bottom in donkey form(wtf?!), etc. Okay, in a way its sort of like fanfiction, I can deal with that. I did however strongly disagree with quite a few of the changes they made and sort of became the voice of half of the Theatre Company that agreed with me. The leader of the other side seemed hell-bent on having me as the co-script writer for some reason despite my open opposition against his ideas. But he was probably hoping that if I would be bribed with the opportunnity to write the script for the school play and stop telling him that his ideas are crap. Then we had this huge discussion with half of the class that cared, me, him, and the teacher. The disagreement was more between me and him and the teacher was more on my side. So finally, she decides that we should just find a new script thats already written up that we can all agree on using instead of wasting our time arguing about a script that hasn't even been written yet. So we look for scripts and hey automatically trash every script we come up with without even looking at the script. In fact, they trash talked everyone that didn't agree with their ideas. They automatically assumed that if it wasn't a comedy written by them, it was crap. In fact, this is what one of them said: "The play can be sad, but it has to be funny." Is it just me or does that make no sense at all?
This is where the uglier side of actors comes in. We can all lie and conceal our hatred and emotions so well that you seem to not know who is truly your friend. The person who says they support you in front of you will turn and tell somebody else that they think you're not worthy enough for Theatre Company. I'm sick of constantly having to choose between expressing my opinion and not being hated by the actors, at least the select few that seem to have a problem with people who disagree with them. In fact, as surprising as it may sound, alot of the actors are followers, not leaders, as you can see with the quote earlier. I'm embarassed to be associated with people like that.

I'm quitting.

Siege

I've been hacked, both my computer and msn account was hacked yesterday. I feel like I'm in one of those historical fiction novels where the city is sieged and the enemy has finally broken though. A year and a half ago, I wouldn't have cared too much if anybody hacked into my msn account or computer, but now I've got fanfic. As much as I would like to just walk into school tommorow and tell everyone what I do in my spare time, to be honest, I don't have the guts to do it. There are people like my friends who I know will support me, and by friends, I mean the actual friends that I've known for years who've stuck by me, not the casual accquaintance "friends". I know there will be people who will whisper and hate me just simply for being who I am. I admit that I'm a coward and I will never have the strength to speak my mind in front of a crowd. I used to have a blog on Xanga but I stopped going on. I had to censor everything I put on it because I knew that people would read it and I was afraid of what they thought. I mean, I know there are people that read this blog, albeit not very many, but I don't know you guys personally and would most likely never meet you in person. I mean, there's so many scenes in "Last Summer" alone that would have them whispering. Is the goody-goody A-Student a ho? There's a whole load of posts in here that I would be uncomfortable sharing with some people. Fanfiction, internet, blogging, this is my personal space, a little (maybe not so little) place where I can speak my mind and not have to constantly censor myself. Its a place where I can be myself without worrying about what others think. Why must you take this away from me?

I know who the hacker is. Yes, if you're reading this, I know it was you. Since you've hacked into my files and probably read through them, I might as well tell you this. I can't believe I actually liked you. You decide to flirt with me as if we were dating one day and the next, I see you with anohter girl. All week, you decide to walk me to my locker, flirt with me, talk to me. Next, you tell your friend that you're hacking in revenge for me "annoying" you when you know perfectly well that I was never the one that initiated anything that could constitute as "annoying". You have been the one seeking me out. Thats what hurts the most. To know that I've wasted my time with someone like you when there were other guys more worthy of my time surrounding me and I was blind to all of that because I only had eyes for you.

The thing I don't understand is why do you have to do this to me? Are my judging skills so bad that I couldn't see that part in you? The irrational selfish part that likes to torment other people for your own pleasure? I'm disappointed in you, but I'm more disappointed in myself for succumbing to my weakness: you.

Valentines Day

Once again, its Valentines Day. As usual, it was boring, butttttttttt I made a list of Valentines Day fics/books/movies/other stuff. Though the list is pretty short since I'm having a brainblock right now and can't think

Links

http://www.factmonster.com/spot/valentines-day.html
Some family friendly G rated info about Valentines Day, kind of interesting though and in very simple language.

http://www.singlesawareness.com
Some anti-Valentines day people! Go Singletons!

Fics
I'm not gonna give links because I'm too lazy to find them.

On http://www.checkmated.com

Going Through The Motions by Slayerette
The Good Fight by Slayerette
Weight of the World by Slayerette
The Book of Morgan LeFay by lavenderbrown
The Final Reckoning by lavenderbrown
See Hermione Score by arios1
Fellytones and Fuzzy Slippers: A Love Story by TheTreacleTart
The Devil's Triangle by fresh pickled toad
Between Fantasy and Reality by jocjarmom


On http://www.thequidditchpitch.org

Sailing the Dark Ship by kjcp
War and Passion by RedBlaze
Fire and Ice by RedBlaze

On http://www.dracoandginny.com

Keeping Christmas on the Death Train by Anise
Along Came a Wizard by fallenwitch

On http://www.siye.co.uk

It Happened One Night by Sundevil05


Movies

The Notebook
Breakfast At Tiffany's
Titantic
Love Actually
Bridget Jones's Diary

Books

Songs of the Humpback Whale by Jodi Picoult
Plain Truth by Jodi Picoult
See Jane Score by Rachael Gibson
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

Happy Valentines Day!

(or Singles Awareness Day if you prefer)

The Woes Of Love And IM

You would think that all the new gadgets would make it easier to connect with people (ahem the male species), but after years of using said gadgets, I have concluded that this is a big fat lie that corporate companies have been feeding us. Think about this: way back when, the only way to communicate someone without actually talking face to face with them was to to send a letter. When they don't reply, you have millions of excuses. The guy delivering your message could have ran off with the post thinking that you sent money. His horse might have broken its leg and in a strange and long winding turn of events, the letter was never delivered. The messenger might have met bandits on the road and was robbed of everything, including your letter. Even when we fast forward a couple of centuries into a more modern mail system, lots of things could still go wrong. Cars broke down, boats sank, if you sent the letter "postage collect", maybe the person you're sending the letter to didn't want to pay for the letter and decided to return it to the sender instead. Now fast forward through a few decades, maybe you would send a telegram instead. Of course, a million other things could go wrong. The telegraph operator could have misinterpreted the message you wanted to send, for some strange reason, some weird technical difficulty might have prevented your message from getting through. Or when the person delivering the telegram might have lost it for some strange reason. Now lets fast forward to telephones. When telephones were first invented, every time someone called in one house in the neighbourhood, all the phones rang. Every household had a special ring so you had to learn to recognize your ring. That person might not call you because they're shy and they don't want the whole neighbourhood knowing that there's something between you two and its way too easy for other people to eavesdrop on your conversation. Now lets fast forward to emails. You might not get a reply to your email because for some reason, it got lost in cyberspace, or that person doesn't check their email inbox. The point is, in all the above ways of communication, there's always some excuse you can make to yourself as to why that person isn't replying to you, but with instant messaging technology such as Windows Live Messenger, Yahoo Messenger, ICQ, etc, there are no excuses you can make. You can see their status as clearly online and every time you message them and they don't message you back, you feel stupid and like you're obsessing over him or something.

As you can see, we were better off with the letters and the horses.

"I'd rather get rechargeble batteries..."

Ahh yesss, "Sex and the City", the single girl's T.V. friend(s), here to defend us against the violent Hallmark Valentines Day attack. The stormy sea of red cardboard hearts drowns our protesting cries of overcommercialism while Cupid's arrow decides to stab our lonely ass. However, I saw on the news the other day that Anti-Valentines day cards are now available at Carlton Cards, whaddya know? I tried googling for a picture of it but I couldn't find it...but I found this little gem:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/airport_sleeper/99466837/

Only three more days to go before its over, hang in there!

Canadian Idol

Walked past the long line of people lining up to audition for Canadian Idol today. It seemed that every fifteen steps or so I took in the mall, I walked past somebody with a number stuck on their back, a guitar in their hand, wallowing away at some tune while inwardly I shook my head and said "Man, you're not gonna make it." There was also a huge crowd watching the potential contestants line up and various news stations were there with their cameras. I guess everybody wants to be a star. I mean, sure you hear about the scandals and the tabloids with the unflattering pictures on the front page but at the same time you see the nice clothes, the great parties, the admirers... Enough to make anybody with no vocal talent to grab a guitar and belt out their shower tunes.

I Take It All Back...Gladly

Back when "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" first came out and everyone made a mad rush to the theatres to watch it, afterwards, as usual, the main discussion amongst the female population was the bath scene where Daniel Radcliffe is half naked. All my friends were going on and on about how great his chest looked and I absolutely disagreed, he looked scrawny and a bit too pale for my liking. I mean, he's a great actor and all but out of all the actors in the Harry Potter movies, Tom Felton is the best looking, hands-down. However, I find that my opinion was challenged when I saw this picture:

The picture here is a bit small so you can't really see but the stubble on his face and the chest... *drools*. I mean, the stubble sort of scratches if you're kissing the guy but I always think that guys look better with a little stubble. And the chest and toned arms...need I say more? I mean, I thought he just looked horrid when the OOTP promotional picture of him was released with the dorky haircut. It sounds really harsh but just look at this picture:

The two pictures look as if they're of two different people. Too bad "Equus" is only performed in London, or else I would go and watch it. All I can say is I take back all the comments I've ever made about Daniel Radcliffe lacking in the looks department. *drools over the other promo pics*